Anyone who knows me understands how passionate I am about photography. I love looking at photos, I love taking photos, I love color and black and white photos, and well ... just every thing about photos! In fact, I even rip pages out of magazines if I like the photo that's on that one page. Yep. It's an obsession. On the contrary, I do not like being front of the camera whatsoever. I've come to realize that I am very critical about how I look in photos and how people are going to perceive me. Is this just being vain or is this a natural reaction for many people? Either way, I need to get over the fear and not worry about what they think or say. Photos of me are memories that my children and future generations will appreciate despite how I look. You know what else occurred to me? How am I supposed to make my clients feel comfortable, confident and beautiful in front of my camera if I myself don't feel comfortable in front of it? My disposition began a transformation on a hot summer morning in Tampa. About a month ago, I went over to the Oxford Exchange for a meet-up with other local photographers. It was my first time meeting these ladies and I thought we were just going to drink some coffee and talk shop. It was great to socialize with others who share the same love for photography as me but little did I know that we were going to photograph each other afterwards. Talk about panic! I wanted to make up an excuse to leave just to avoid being on the front end of that black box we call a camera. Should I tell them that my kid is suddenly sick and I gotta run? Do I just flat out say, "Oh no! This girl takes pictures and is not IN the pictures?" Grrr....all these thoughts are in my head and sweat beads start to form on my forehead. Before I knew it, we were heading out the door of the Exchange. We walked across the street, pulled out our gear and began getting into poses. Guess who was going first? Yep, this girl because she was the newbie. :/

(Yes, my eyes were closed. LOL)

So how did it feel? It felt nerve wrecking, uncomfortable at first but also fun and not so bad.

What was going through my mind? Lord, help me! I do not want people to see these. But here I am showing you now. :)

What did I learn? That in order to leave my children with something to remember me by and something that they can hold on to way after I'm gone, I will have to get over the fear. I will have to ignore what people think and what they will say. Photographs taken of me while I am still fairly young and full of life will be part of a gift that I leave for them. Another thing I learned is that if I am going to lead my clients and help them find comfort in front of my camera, I have to know what it's like to be on that side as well. I need to know how it feels to pose a certain way, learn techniques that make subjects look and feel relaxed, to make eye contact and to evoke emotion.

Was I happy with the results? Absolutely!

So then it was my turn to shoot and guess what? I was again in front of the camera even though I was behind my own.

While I was shooting, I couldn't help but wonder what they were feeling. They're photographers too and surely they must go through the same emotions. The photos turned out great!